Get with the program, people. MILFs are so over. They were left behind in the 90’s with the original American Pie movie, dial-up Internet, and Family Matters.
The new millennium brings with it women of age, wisdom, and sexual experience. Everyone raise an ice cold frosty brew to those silver foxes with silver boxes.
Besides, Britney Spears will be one in a couple of years and the line starts behind me, you bastards!
Urban dictionary definition: The placement of one’s face, specifically the mouth, into the area between a well-endowed woman’s breasts, followed by a rapid shaking of the face in a side-to-side motion accompanied by yelling. The resulting sound that is created sounds similar to an outboard boat motor.
Bro, last night i motorboated that girl!
HAHA you motorboating son of a bitch!
Why the hell have I not heard of this phenomenon? Well, it’s not that I haven’t heard of it – I just wasn’t aware that it had a name!
So, as part of my personal development journey, here are some things to stop doing immediately (revised):
1. Forgetting to wear pants. Motorboating pregnant women.
2. Drinking alone.
3. Telling people what I ate for lunch on my Facebook status.
Oh no…
Now that’s just terrible. The poor old dear hasn’t been in the ground a week and some asshole is trying to make a quick buck by coming up with a Rot in Hell Bea Arthur t-shirt. Its sad AND offensive…
I’m totally gonna buy one for my Grandma! She LOVED the Golden Girls!
The Springfield Isotopes are Springfield’s only minor league baseball team, drastically underfunded and struggling in the competition.
Remember the game between the Springfield Isotopes and the pesky Shelbyville Shelby-Villians begins where the ‘Topes were hoping to snap a record 26-game losing streak? Perhaps it was the two new additions to the team, Smash Diggins and Fishbone Walker, sent down from the majors for drug violations who helped get them across the line.
Show your support for everyone’s favorite local baseball team and Click Here to get a Springfield Isotopes T-shirt
PS – did you know Springfield has a basketball and hockey arena, which is home to the Springfield Ice-O-Topes hockey team?
“Jew talkin’ to me? Jew talkin’ to me? Jew talkin’ to me? Then who the hell elsh are jew talkin’ to? Jew talkin’ to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do jew think you’re talking to?”
Oy Gevalt – this rabbi is straight bad-ass! He will schmash a little dreidel upside your head as soon as look at you. This awesome Jew Talking To Me shirt makes a great gift for Jews and Gentiles alike.
I was going to post this shirt on April 20th, but you know… I got totally baked and forgot all about it.
This shirt reminds of a story. A squad of Army Rangers was over in Iraq and, before going out on patrol, had a few tokes to calm the nerves. Somewhere along their travels, they came across a civilian who’d taken a bullet in the arm. “I’ve been shot!” he cried. “Call me an ambulance!”
The boys looks at him for a second, smile and and all say at the same time, “You’re an ambulance!”
Click Here to get an It’s 1620 Somewhere T-shirt
omg thats fucking hilarious omg omg omg dude im so fucking stoned right now!
In his speech yesterday, President Barack Obama lashed out about the excessive bonuses paid out to the CEOs and other execs of failing multi-nationals. He said the trouble at AIG was caused by recklessness and excessive greed. But here’s the problem. The AIG executives thought it was a compliment!
The Republicans are on board in this too. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley told AIG executives they should either quit or commit suicide. (He actually said this!) But I think that’s plain wrong. I mean, why give them the option of quitting?
I do like Grassley’s idea, but here’s my question: where was Congress when everything was falling apart, you know? They’re supposed to be looking out for us. So here’s a better idea. How about AIG and Congress making a giant suicide pact?
Update – In a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they’ll show you how to turn it into $8 billion. See, this is capitalism at its finest!
Sandals. The un-sexiest thing a man can wear. Even a Moo Moo covers up what you don’t want to see. Shit, even those stoopid plastic Croc things have a certain je ne sais quoi. But sandals? Why are people still wearing sandals? History proves what happens to men who wear sandals.
So-called intellectuals and “christians” say Jesus was crucified because his brand of non-violent resistance, his manner of stirring the people and empowering the poor, were judged to be challenging the political power structures of his day.
I think it was more to do with his sandals and long hair. Goddamn hippies…
Click Here to get a Men Who Wear Sandals Get What They Deserve T-shirt
I hope everyone is enjoying their Easter holidays! I’m getting away from it all myself… “all” meaning my family. Obviously, I’m still busting my ass to bring you the lol’s.
I don’t know where you live and you don’t know where I live, but did anyone else have trouble buying a drink yesterday? Easter Friday – it’s like it was a religious holiday or something… Luckily, the clubs opened at midnight this morning, and I turned up wearing my I Pound Beers For Jesus. And what do you know? BAM – straight to the front of the line!
Unlike the time I wore my Manwhore shirt. The door bitch looked me up and down and said “Well, at least you’re honest!”
Happy Easter everyone! Peace be with you. In the spirit of the season, I figured I’d learn a bit more about our Lord and saviour. And this is what I found:
According to the US Biblical scholar, Morton Smith, of Columbia University, a fragment of manuscript he found at the Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem in 1958, showed that the full text of St. Mark chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) includes the passage:
“And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God”.
The veracity of this manuscript is hotly contested by other Biblical scholars. This comes as no surprise. The revelation of a gay Jesus would undermine some of the most fundamental tenets of orthodox Christianity, including its rampant homophobia.
What’s that? You don’t believe me? Would it help if I told you I used to be the lead reporter for High Times magazine? But I had to leave – too much politics…