Runway T-shirts

America experienced a wave of newfound enthusiasm as Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. But now that excitement is in danger of unraveling, as the downsides of an Obama presidency become evident. People magazine reports:

With the election of Barack Obama, Paula Idol of American Idol will stay just that – an American. “I was crying!” she tells PEOPLE. “You feel such a sense of pride that you can’t even articulate how good you feel. It’s unbelievable! I have chills. I was just so excited. I was texting everyone: ‘Peace has begun.’ And then I was texting everyone, ‘I don’t have to move to Vancouver now!’”

Forget about making Paula Abdul cry. As admirable as that is, it’s really not that hard to do. The chick cries about everything. That’s what happens when you mix Wild Turkey and Xanax with your Cheerios every morning. The real point is, Paula Abdul was ready to move out of the country, before Obama was elected. And now she’s staying.

If our new Commander in Chief is serious about bringing the country together and restoring the faith of its citizens, his first act after taking the oath will be to issue a proclamation authorizing the packing of Paula Abdul in a rocket and shooting her directly into the sun. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Get a So We Cool Now? T-shirt

For those about to flunk… We salute you!

Do you rock so hard you can’t possibly be expected to sit still and pay attention?

What did you say? I need some more Red Bull and Rock Star. Rock this ADHD t-shirt and twitch like a squirrel.

As worn by Vincent Chase on HBO’s Entourage.

Click Here to get an AD/HD T-shirt

“Go for Emporer Palpatine.

“Vader – how’s my favorite Sith? Woah woah woah – just slow down! Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Who’s they!?

“What the hell is an Aluminium Falcon?!

“Okay, okay… so who’s left? Are you shitting me!? Well, where are you? Wait a sec – you’ve been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon…

“Oh oh oh I’m sorry! I thought my dark lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that’s only two metres wide! That thing wasn’t even fully paid off yet! Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit?

“What? Oh, “just rebuild it”? Real fucking original! Who’s going to give me a loan, jack-hole? You? You got an ATM on that torso light-bright?

“Now get your 7′2″ asthmatic ass back here, or I’m going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Pada-mommy or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is.”

Click Here to get a What the Hell is an Aluminium Falcon? T-shirt

Ever since I left home, I’ve been looking for a girl who can handle my load.

Now I’m a big boy, so my load is quite sizeable. It’s going to take a special kind of gal to handle it. She doesn’t have to be a big girl herself – she just needs a bit of experience, you know, handling loads. Not too much experience, mind you… Girls with that kind of experience generally have questionable hygiene and a bit of a reputation.

I suppose I’ll just have to continue my search.

It sure would be nice to find a girl who can handle my load… Maybe wearing this t-shirt will help? Maybe…

It seems this shirt is no longer available, but check out the related shirts below.

Jagshemash! My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex, it’s nice. These are my country of a Kazakhstan.

Wow Wow Wee Waa! This is one of the best shirts ever. Yes, I like. Can I buy you? Is nice! This is understood?

A very nice! Let’s make sexy time. How much? My sister – she’s a prostitute. She like to make money, high five! Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard.

My moustache still tastes of your testes!

Inspired by the ambassador of Kazakhstan, Borat. All the prostitutes will compete for your affection as you stroll through your village. In my country, they would go crazy for this tee. High Five! Everyone in Kazakhstan must have this shirt. Great t-shirt for Borat fans, no matter what country you’re from.

Click Here to get an A Very Nice – How Much? T-shirt

God bless America. Except Idaho – fuck Idaho.

You heard me. What’s that? What did Idaho ever do to me? It exists for one. Plus, it’s asymmetric… I hate that!

I’m sure Idahoans will take offense to this shirt, but the only thing the state of Idaho could do me harm was if it forced me to visit it somehow. Were that to happen – should I find myself wandering the streets of Boise – you can bet I’ll be wearing this little beauty.

Somebody’s got it in for the spud state. If you hate potatos and crystal meth as much as I do, you’re gonna love this shirt!

Click Here to get a God Bless America, Except Idaho – Fuck Idaho T-shirt

Oh hey, did you see this? Cameron Diaz is on the latest cover of the new Vogue magazine and she has apparently decided to stop looking hot and start looking like your mom.

On that note, can I come to your house for dinner? After my last visit to your mom’s house I have seemed to have misplaced my shirt. Would you be able to have a look at it for me? It’s probably rolled up into a ball… on her bedroom floor. Zing!

Burn your friends and family alike. Wait – maybe not your family. In fact, it’s definitely not an appropriate t-shirt to wear to your own family gathering. Your friends’ however – totally ok.

Click Here to get a My Other Shirt Is At Your Mom’s House T-shirt

If you love zombies, show your love with this tee! That is if you really “Heart” zombies. If you are just friends with zombies, it’s still a cool tee… just without the commitment.

Zombie relationships are difficult. I know – I’ve been there. You feel like you just give and give and give. It can be really draining, physically and emotionally.

But when they look you in the eyes, caress your cheek, and speak those words you’ve been waiting to hear – “Brraaaiiiiiiiinnnns” – all the worries melt away and you remember why you started dating them in the first place.

Click Here to get an I Heart Zombies T-shirt

Inspired by Shawn of the Dead, this shirt is a must have for the zombie or zombie fan in your life. Made of 100% heavyweight cotton this ZOMBAID tee will give you the comfort, style and protection you need when dealing with the undead.

Remember “They’re not through living… if you’re not through giving”

*Note Zombie bites are very contagious. Avoid zombie bites at all costs. If bitten by a zombie immediately give up all hope as you will soon join the legions of the walking dead.

If you feel that you are becoming a zombie, please order this shirt immediately. The ZOMBAID t-shirt will not offer you any additional protection but it will be some really good advertising for us.

Click Here to get a Zombaid T-shirt

It’s rare to see a shirt dispense such invaluable advice, but this is one of them.

This classic Don’t Hassel the Hoff t-shirt was actually seen on the man himself. David Hasselhoff may have his hands full with ninja practice these days, but the man brought us boob watch, so cut him some slack and show your support with this tee.

You know you wanna party with hoffmeister, he gets down with the take out chicken.

Click Here to get a Don’t Hassel The Hoff T-shirt