You know what? I think Utah had it right the first time…

Nothing says you know how to live the principle like a three hearted polygamist shirt.

For those so inclined, we suggest you take a magic marker and scrawl the names of your beloveds into the hearts provided.

In the case that you have more hearts than partners, a simple “to be determined” or “TBD” usually suffices.

Get yourself a I Heart Heart Heart Polygamy T-shirt

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Why am I talking like a lolcat?

The fact is, all Primary or Elementary School teachers went to university to “re-cap” on their early education; that “reading, writing and ‘rithmetic didn’t quite stick the first time around, so they figured they’d do it again before heading out into the big world to secure a job. Unfortunately, they are then funneled into the education department.

This is scientific fact, people!

You see shows like The Simpsons and have a laugh at Mrs Krabappel and Miss Hoover who are counting down the hours until the end of class more even more anticipation than the children. Art imitates life, what more can I say?

Get a Worlds Goodest Teecher T-shirt

This is a shirt that just begged to be made.

And if you’re wondering about who’s mom I’m talking about, the answer is “yours”. Yes, you – reading the right now. My other ride is your mom.

How are those visuals?

Get a My Other Ride is Your Mom T-shirt

Tomorrow’s forecast: Fine, with a 100% chance of me getting wasted.

Pretty much for the next month, I’m a bit hazy on what the weather is doing, but I know what I’ll be doing!

It really makes you think… My mum thinks I work on Wall St, but I pretty much write a t-shirt blog, drink gin for breakfast and smoke fatties all day.

Not those kind of fatties… I’m talking about weed!

Get a Partly Cloudy With A 100% Chance Of Me Getting Wasted T-shirt

Second place is the first loser, bitches!

This is an intergalactic “shotgun” call. Y’all know who got their first so y’all better find some place else to park your tin-cans.

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin and that other guy travelled to the moon FORTY years ago. Nice of you to join the party, but you’re far, far too late.

Click Here to get a Finders Keepers T-shirt

Also like Cheers, funny things happen when people show up drunk.

As Cliff explains to Norm on the show:

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Get a Facebook Where Everybody Knows Your Name T-shirt

Now, the other planets laugh at it. And so do the other whatever it’s classified as now. Pluto is like the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer of our solar system.

Whatever the so-called “scientific” community tell us, I still believe in my heart that Pluto is a planet. The teachers at my school wouldn’t have told us things that weren’t correct, would they?

Don’t worry about it Pluto, you’ll always be a planet to me.

Click Here to get a It’s Okay Pluto I’m Not A Planet Either T-shirt

It’s important that you have clear instructions on how to pwn zombie faces, and keep your brains inside your skull, right where they belong:

1. Choose Your Weapon – I suggest the sports supplies stores, although if you have a high-school level knowledge of chemistry, you may consider pharmacies or K-mart.

2. Aim For The Head – As everyone should know by now, zombies can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain.

3. Don’t Miss (or it will eat your brains) – If you do miss, you’ll find the zombie removes your head and destroys your brain… by eating it!

So don’t miss! Learn a swinging sport now: baseball, golf, cricket… even curling is better than nothing.

Get a How To Kill A Zombie T-shirt

If your family have been killed by ninjas, you’ve got a long, hard road ahead of you if you want some payback. Ninjas are masters of the dark arts, so if you want payback, you’re gonna have to work hard for it.

So if someone could chip in with a bit of cash for karate lessons, that’d be a real helping hand.

Click Here to get a Need Money For Karate Lessons – Ninjas Killed My Family T-shirt

I’m pretty sure that Buddha technically isn’t a god. And, in fact, I’m pretty sure God doesn’t actually have a body. So perhaps this t-shirt is a moot point. Whatever the case, it certainly appears to the lowest common denominator. I certainly got a chuckle out of it.

Now, to spoil everyone’s fun, the real Buddha almost certainly wasn’t a fatty.

Buddha means “one who has achieved a state of perfect enlightenment” and there are several people who have been given the title. The original Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, lived from around 560BC to 480BC, but it was not until around 127 BC that statues actually depicting him became prevalent. Of course, by then, nobody knew what he really looked like. He was from a noble family, and althought he had been described as tall, slender, and of “manly build” (a lot like me, in fact) he may have grown in girth simply because that is what people expected “Nobles” to look like.

Well what do you know? You might actually learned something today. And from a comedy t-shirt website of all places…

I feel so dirty!

Click Here to get an I Have The Body Of A God T-shirt and worshipers will constantly be kissing your feet.