You don’t want to be the mayor of your prostate doc’s office, your gynecologist, or your colon hydrotherapy spa. That’s all stuff the world is better off not knowing. Don’t check in at the local jail before they confiscate your goods. Even if you’re staying overnight. And you don’t want to check in at your local rehab facility (we’re looking at you, Mayor Charlie Sheen). Although if your friends suddenly all check in, you might consider whether they could be staging an intervention on your behalf.

Get your I became the Mayor of your Mom shirt

Sure, as a result life might be a tad more prosaic, but there’s no doubt it would be more efficient. And an efficient life means more time playing games. So the nice folks at ThinkGeek Tshirt Labs (TM) toiled and pulled their hair out trying to come up with a single simple maxim to help ensure you stay on the right path in life. And here it is. Geek Maxim #1.

And Vampire Maxim #1. In fact, this should be standard issue for vampires and vampire wannabes.

This shirt has famously been worn by Adam Savage from Mythbusters. You too can be as cool as Adam.

I wish I was as cool as Adam…

Click here to get a Keep out of Direct Sunlight T-shirt

Related Shirts:

Now I can just hear the chorus of 15 year old girls going “What about vampires? They’re cool too, right?”

Wrong.

The vampires you are familiar with from such shows are Vampire Diaries and Twilight are not cool. They are sparkly and metrosexual. This was never cool. It works for Calvin Klein underwear ads, but little else.

While I’m destroying dreams, the following things are also not cool: Werewolves (although they are cooler than Vampires), Robots, Monkeys, Ugg Boots / Moccasins, Facebook, Bieber Fever, North Korea and Iran, Hello Kitty, all Reality TV whether staged or “real”, Gaming, Spin Class, Army Jerks, Stephen Baldwin, and this blog. So take that advice with a heaped teaspoon of sodium chloride…

Related Shirts:

Though wooden peg leg and eyepatch manufacturers may be displeased by this alliance, it is for the greater good that we present the first official Pirate Ninja Alliance.

Get an I Support the Pirate Ninja Alliance T-shirt

And I suppose if you send naked pictures of yourself a lot, then you’d be sextually active, and I would ask that you join my mailing list… for scientific purposes.

I’ve seen textually active teens who can have a verbal conversation with someone and text a separate conversation at the same time. I still have trouble warming up tv dinners in the microwave. But I have perfected the art of photographing my junk so that it looks bigger than it actually is.

Are you textually active? If you have big skills on small keys, this tee is for you.

Click Here to get a Textually Active T-shirt

Now, I haven’t seen the new Star Trek movie, but I’m pretty sure “Don’t Phase Me Bro” is a quote from it, possibly made by some rotund, 4-foot alien upon encountering a far less rotund Captain Kirk than I am used to seeing. Hilarity no doubt ensues, and I look forward to seeing it on Youtube.

This shirt is a must have for away teams and landing parties.

Click Here to get a Don’t Phase Me Bro T-shirt

BTW, IANAL but FWIW TBH TANSTAAFL. Oh yes, I am a nerd! STFU!!

We all know what it means, but just to clarify, SHUT THE F*#K UP! Send a clear message to the ignorance that surrounds you. Are we prejudice? Yes, we have a distinct, somewhat arrogant, dislike of stupid people, and this t-shirt is a succinct way of expressing that.

Click Here to get a STFU Please T-shirt

This doesn’t mean you’re a social outcast. I’ve always had a soft spot for geeks and tech nerds. They’re smart, they’re often funny, and to borrow from Benjamin Franklin’s shout-out to older women, they’re “so grateful.”

So ladies, start your hard drives and make some programmer’s day (well, year) by attracting your very own dream data daddy. Guys, you too can be a high-tech heartthrob or, even better, a Don Juan of the Database.

Click Here to get a Talk Nerdy To Me T-shirt