Runway T-shirts

Here’s a clever way to offend people in the social media age: the Facebook Sex With Your Girlfriend T-Shirt.

It really doesn’t need an explanation, but the story goes like this: You’re on Facebook, you post a status update, all of your friends have the option of ‘liking’ it.

So, 74 people ‘like’ sex with your girlfriend? Zing! What does that say about her?

It’s a great ‘your girlfriends a ho’ diss t-shirt, especially for Facebook fans and honestly, who isn’t one these days? The design is basic, but it needs to be to achieve the Facebook look and feel, which it nails (like your girlfriend).

You’ll get hours of fun offending your friends, and their girlfriends.

Get a Sex With Your Girlfriend 74 People Like This T-shirt

I did a search for “curse words list” and came up with this site. According to their “List of Curse Words” generator, their Top 10 according to visitor votes are:

1. fuck
2. homework
3. George W. Bush
4. assramming hamster fucker
5. cunt
6. shitting dick nipples
7. fucktard
8. motherfucking shitfaced whore
9. assbitch hoebag
10. Al Gore

Clearly their visitors are a bunch of juvenile idiot assholes. And even though it’s redundant when used alongside the word “cunt”, I was happy to see Dubya making the cut. That guy truly was a Dick Nipple Shitting Assramming Cunt.

But I digress.

I love a good t-shirt that puts the curse word debate back where it belongs; right in peoples’ fucking faces. TshirtHell, known for their retarded, offensively I’m-trying-to-offend-my-parents funny t-shirts, has a new one that does just that. “Don’t Curse” is a clever shirt that neatly conceals the bad words inside the Goody Two Shoes message.

Get a Don’t Curse T-shirt

This Twitter themed t-shirt sums up everything I feel about the latest online social networking craze.

You don’t need a lot of letters to say, “fuck you!” In fact, you only need 7 of ‘em.

The “I don’t need 140 characters to say fuck you” t-shirt is ironic, since Sunshine Megatron himself tweets a tweet every time he takes a tinkle.

Still though, this shirt is pretty funny. For all of you annoyed with the recent Twitter craze, get this t-shirt.

Get a I Don’t Need 140 Characters To Say Fuck You T-shirt

God bless America. Except Idaho – fuck Idaho.

You heard me. What’s that? What did Idaho ever do to me? It exists for one. Plus, it’s asymmetric… I hate that!

I’m sure Idahoans will take offense to this shirt, but the only thing the state of Idaho could do me harm was if it forced me to visit it somehow. Were that to happen – should I find myself wandering the streets of Boise – you can bet I’ll be wearing this little beauty.

Somebody’s got it in for the spud state. If you hate potatos and crystal meth as much as I do, you’re gonna love this shirt!

Click Here to get a God Bless America, Except Idaho – Fuck Idaho T-shirt

I’m no bible scholoar, but I’ve heard the New Testament encourages answering questions with other questions as a means of facilitating conversations. So what better way to fully understand what Jesus would do, than by inquiring what he wouldn’t do?

In this day and age where society is shallow and superficial, for Jesus to really speak to the population (especially Generation-Y – I hate that generation…) he’s gonna need to be into cafe lattes, extreme sports and metrosexual fashion.

So I think when he does return (and he will – it’s in Revelations people!) he will be one hip, high-fivin’ motherfucker. Kinda like Samuel L Jackson, minus the violence… Jesus ain’t into that shit.

But he will definitely smoke pot – I’m absolutely sure of that!

Click Here to get a What Wouldn’t Jesus Do? T-shirt

Oh no…

Now that’s just terrible. The poor old dear hasn’t been in the ground a week and some asshole is trying to make a quick buck by coming up with a Rot in Hell Bea Arthur t-shirt. Its sad AND offensive…

I’m totally gonna buy one for my Grandma! She LOVED the Golden Girls!

Click Here to get a Rot In Hell Bea Arthur T-shirt

Sandals. The un-sexiest thing a man can wear. Even a Moo Moo covers up what you don’t want to see. Shit, even those stoopid plastic Croc things have a certain je ne sais quoi. But sandals? Why are people still wearing sandals? History proves what happens to men who wear sandals.

So-called intellectuals and “christians” say Jesus was crucified because his brand of non-violent resistance, his manner of stirring the people and empowering the poor, were judged to be challenging the political power structures of his day.

I think it was more to do with his sandals and long hair. Goddamn hippies…

Click Here to get a Men Who Wear Sandals Get What They Deserve T-shirt

Happy Easter everyone! Peace be with you. In the spirit of the season, I figured I’d learn a bit more about our Lord and saviour. And this is what I found:

According to the US Biblical scholar, Morton Smith, of Columbia University, a fragment of manuscript he found at the Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem in 1958, showed that the full text of St. Mark chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) includes the passage:

“And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God”.

The veracity of this manuscript is hotly contested by other Biblical scholars. This comes as no surprise. The revelation of a gay Jesus would undermine some of the most fundamental tenets of orthodox Christianity, including its rampant homophobia.

What’s that? You don’t believe me? Would it help if I told you I used to be the lead reporter for High Times magazine? But I had to leave – too much politics…

Click Here to get a Gay Jesus Offends Christians T-shirt

Ok, I get it – slavery isn’t the most popular idea in this “all men are created equal” society. But shiiiit, if you want a job done properly, on time and on budget, break out the whips and chains!

Here’s an idea – voluntary slavery. Take some ships to some third world country struggling with famine, drought or war, and offer “an honest day’s food for an honest day’s work” and see if you get any takers. I daresay you would! In fact, I’m so certain this idea is going to work, I’m making space on my mantel for this years’ Nobel Peace Prize.

*sniff* I’m so proud!

Click Here to get a Slavery Gets Shit Done T-shirt

Continuing with our International Women’s Day theme, we move on to the ever-classy “I Should Be In The Kitchen” because a.) I’m that awesome, and b.) it’s a scientific fact.

I mean, it’s a scientific fact I’m that awesome. Not that women belong in the kitchen. Because that’d be sexist! Jeez, I can’t believe your mind works like that. And on International Women’s Day as well. For shame!

Click Here to get an I Should Be In The Kitchen T-shirt