This is a message to all those fixing to land on the moon: Russia, China, India, Brazil, Europe, Richard Branson…
Second place is the first loser, bitches!
This is an intergalactic “shotgun” call. Y’all know who got their first so y’all better find some place else to park your tin-cans.
Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin and that other guy travelled to the moon FORTY years ago. Nice of you to join the party, but you’re far, far too late.
I bet you didn’t know that boys could be recycled? We all know it is important to recycle cans, paper and plastic, but it is equally important to recycle boys! Because otherwise boys can be bad for the environment.
One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.
So use ‘em, abuse ‘em and move on to the next one. Boys are biodegradeable, anyway. They turn into sludge in about twenty years, so recycling them is good for nature.
Besides, I don’t think I could point to one boy that wouldn’t mind being “recycled” from time to time.
Ladies is players too! Just do it and help your local eco-system.
Click Here to get an I Recycle Boys T-shirt
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This shirt features Chuck Norris as a weatherman, forecasting a cloudy day with a 90% chance of PAIN! It doesn’t sound like its going to be a pleasant day for someone out there. They’d best bring a paincoat!
But here’s the thing – if Chuck Norris really was a weatherman, he wouldn’t forecast the weather… he’d just tell it what to do.
In fact, when Chuck Norris farts, the weather changes. Luckily he doesn’t eat beans – Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
And he’s never wrong. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Click Here to get a Chuck Norris Forecast: Cloudy with a 90% Chance of Pain T-shirt
Oh hey, did you see this? Cameron Diaz is on the latest cover of the new Vogue magazine and she has apparently decided to stop looking hot and start looking like your mom.
On that note, can I come to your house for dinner? After my last visit to your mom’s house I have seemed to have misplaced my shirt. Would you be able to have a look at it for me? It’s probably rolled up into a ball… on her bedroom floor. Zing!
Burn your friends and family alike. Wait – maybe not your family. In fact, it’s definitely not an appropriate t-shirt to wear to your own family gathering. Your friends’ however – totally ok.
Click Here to get a My Other Shirt Is At Your Mom’s House T-shirt
It’s rare to see a shirt dispense such invaluable advice, but this is one of them.
This classic Don’t Hassel the Hoff t-shirt was actually seen on the man himself. David Hasselhoff may have his hands full with ninja practice these days, but the man brought us boob watch, so cut him some slack and show your support with this tee.
You know you wanna party with hoffmeister, he gets down with the take out chicken.
Pimpin’ is easy man – you just need to get yourself a hoe. Owning a hoe is what constitutes being a pimp. They go hand in hand, like puppies and chainsaws.
You’ve got to know where to look. Lounging around some skanky bar looking for your regular old prostitute isn’t going to cut it. You’ve got to look where you’d least expect it. Like the library. Or the car wash. Or the United States Supreme Court.
Keep an eye out for hoe material. Sure signs of a hoe-worthy female are tight pants, low cleavage, and big signs that say “Hi. Would you like to have sex with me?”
If you see a nice-looking lady, make sure to approach her and talk to her. She doesn’t count as a hoe unless you tell her about it. Start to sweet talk her, maybe buy her a drink, then drop her this line:
“SEX ME WOMAN!”
Works like a charm.
Pimpin’s like poker – it’s a hard way to make an easy living, dawg. But if you keep that pimp hand strong and lay the smack down when needs be laid, your life is a dream.
So get this, it turns out pimping IS easy! Biggie and Snoop have been dead wrong all these years.
Click Here to get a Turns Out Pimpin’ Is Easy T-shirt
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“Jew talkin’ to me? Jew talkin’ to me? Jew talkin’ to me? Then who the hell elsh are jew talkin’ to? Jew talkin’ to me? Well I’m the only one here. Who the fuck do jew think you’re talking to?”
Oy Gevalt – this rabbi is straight bad-ass! He will schmash a little dreidel upside your head as soon as look at you. This awesome Jew Talking To Me shirt makes a great gift for Jews and Gentiles alike.
No matter where you stand on the war in Iraq – or Afghanistan for that matter – the fact of the matter is, our troops over there are just doing their jobs. If you want to go after someone, go over the politicians who sent them over there; go after the armed forces recruitment staff who target teenagers with funky ads and cool console games; or go after Ron – that guy’s a dick!
Seriously, Ron – what the fuck, man? Why do you have to be such a douche all the time? I find it hard to get behind the troops 100% when I know you’re over there representing us.
Only if Pete Wentz were over there would I feel any better about you representing me as a citizen of western culture… but sorry bro, I’m totally on board with the “Ron’s A Dick” campaign.
Click Here to get a Support Our Troops Except Ron That Guy’s A Dick T-shirt
If you’re anything like me, you can’t hit your local bar without attracting the unwelcome advances of the fairer sex. With this T-shirt, you can keep your girlfriend happy and fend off the hordes of drunken sluts throwing themselves at you.
It’s win-win! Ladies will respect the shirt, and with a polite curtsy, a wink and a nod, they will leave you and your buddies to get into the nights business of getting slaughtered.
Click Here to get a Not Tonight Ladies I’m Just Here To Get Drunk T-shirt
I frickin’ love Entourage. Ari Gold is surely one of the most realistic and well-rounded characters on television. Played by Jeremy Piven, Ari is a powerful Hollywood agent with an inflated sense of self-worth. For example, he spent the night in jail because “you get one call and I wanted to use it on someone I like to have sex with.”
Of course “Let’s Hug It Out Bitch” is a quote from HBO’s series Entourage which is loosely based around the life of Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg’s life as a budding young actor. It’s probably one of Ari’s more amiable quotes – at the other end of the scale is: “We’re going to hell, so bring your sunblock”, “Is that the way they drive in Tiananmen Square, bitch?”, and “Got Milf?”
And as soon as I can find a shirt that says “Fuck the phones Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency tittie fuck, DON’T ANSWER!” I’m getting one!