Runway T-shirts

Don’t call me “not black” – I’m half black and speak clearly,
And that’s not nearly a reason to fear me.
Barely 8 years since you had hope,
And my change is dope.
“Clarevoyant”, “Perspicacious”,
My vocabulary’s long and audacious.
I don’t take sides – Bi Partisan,
A Harvard educated Lando Calrissian.
Trust me, this ain’t funny,
I used to use only public money.
Now I know I can score more money than a whore,
Dressed up like the Earth, fucking Al Gore.
I’m gonna knock you out, Obama said knock you out.
McCain he got the gout, Obama said knock you out.

Hey McCain, your sanity is gone,
Must have left it with the Viet Cong.
You’re crazy and wrong suckin’ Bush’s old dong,
Already old when L.L. made this song.
Hey Emperor face, I penetrated your base,
Made the right wing say “New Yorker’s got taste”
I’ll beat you in Missouri and Oklahoma,
After that, I’ll cure your melanoma!
Country first? More like country worst,
Or just selling more. Or go to church.
Sorry to burst but the record is showin’,
You’ll ditch people like you forgot your homes.
It was seven right? The polls are tight,
But your eight house won’t be white.
I’m gonna knock you out, Obama said knock you out.
You lose your temper then you shout, Obama said knock you out.

Click Here to get an Obama Said Knock You Out T-shirt

America experienced a wave of newfound enthusiasm as Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. But now that excitement is in danger of unraveling, as the downsides of an Obama presidency become evident. People magazine reports:

With the election of Barack Obama, Paula Idol of American Idol will stay just that – an American. “I was crying!” she tells PEOPLE. “You feel such a sense of pride that you can’t even articulate how good you feel. It’s unbelievable! I have chills. I was just so excited. I was texting everyone: ‘Peace has begun.’ And then I was texting everyone, ‘I don’t have to move to Vancouver now!’”

Forget about making Paula Abdul cry. As admirable as that is, it’s really not that hard to do. The chick cries about everything. That’s what happens when you mix Wild Turkey and Xanax with your Cheerios every morning. The real point is, Paula Abdul was ready to move out of the country, before Obama was elected. And now she’s staying.

If our new Commander in Chief is serious about bringing the country together and restoring the faith of its citizens, his first act after taking the oath will be to issue a proclamation authorizing the packing of Paula Abdul in a rocket and shooting her directly into the sun. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Get a So We Cool Now? T-shirt

In his speech yesterday, President Barack Obama lashed out about the excessive bonuses paid out to the CEOs and other execs of failing multi-nationals. He said the trouble at AIG was caused by recklessness and excessive greed. But here’s the problem. The AIG executives thought it was a compliment!

The Republicans are on board in this too. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley told AIG executives they should either quit or commit suicide. (He actually said this!) But I think that’s plain wrong. I mean, why give them the option of quitting?

I do like Grassley’s idea, but here’s my question: where was Congress when everything was falling apart, you know? They’re supposed to be looking out for us. So here’s a better idea. How about AIG and Congress making a giant suicide pact?

Update – In a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they’ll show you how to turn it into $8 billion. See, this is capitalism at its finest!

Click Here to get a Bailout T-shirt