Runway T-shirts

“Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ma Let you finish, but Beyonce has one of the best videos of all time!” Kayne West.

With that one sentence, Kayne West nominated himself (and won, uncontested) the Douchebag-of-the-Year award.

We all know what happened at the VMAs, although I still don’t know who the fuck Taylor Swift is… but she did look concerned, the other celebrities lost it on Twitter:

Pink: “Kanye West is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me”. I will!

Katy Perry: “FUCK U Kanye. Its like u stepped on a kitten”

Spencer Pratt: “Kanye West should be banned for life from anything MTV!!!!!!! @MTV SO MAD SO MAD!”

Thank god Spencer Pratt gave his opinion on this highly contentious issue. The first thing I thought when I saw the incident was I wonder what Spencer Pratt have to say about this..?

Get an Imma Let You Finish T-shirt

C major. D Major. G major. Three simple chords that have changed the sexual fortunes of many an adolescent boy since the dawn of rock n’ roll.

There’s so much angsty material to choose from!

If you can’t get laid with these three chords, you need to practice more. Or tune your guitar, genius.

Throw in A minor and this might even work after college.

Get a How To Get Laid T-shirt

This is a message to all those fixing to land on the moon: Russia, China, India, Brazil, Europe, Richard Branson…

Second place is the first loser, bitches!

This is an intergalactic “shotgun” call. Y’all know who got their first so y’all better find some place else to park your tin-cans.

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin and that other guy travelled to the moon FORTY years ago. Nice of you to join the party, but you’re far, far too late.

Click Here to get a Finders Keepers T-shirt

Facebook – like Cheers, the popular 80s TV series bar – is a place where everybody knows your name.

Also like Cheers, funny things happen when people show up drunk.

As Cliff explains to Norm on the show:

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Get a Facebook Where Everybody Knows Your Name T-shirt

Suck it, Canada. That’s what you get for being geographically located above us. Zing!

Stay tuned for Mexico: America’s Beard!

Wait… does that mean America is Canada’s Beard?

Click Here to get a Canada America’s Hat T-shirt

Celebrities are just like us, they need privacy… and 100% cotton t-shirts made in sweatshop free environments.

But seriously, leave Britney Lindsay alone right now. I mean it. Anyone who has a problem with her, you deal with me because she’s not well right now.

Just give her a break! I’m sure any day now, her career is going to get the shot it desperately needs… right in the back of the head.

Click Here to get a Leave Lindsay A-Lohan T-shirt

By now, you should all know my feelings about pirates. They are far from the sexiest creatues at sea. In fact, I’d go to far as to say that I’d rather bed the other type of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom.

Because this is a Pirate shirt about trying to get a date, it would be too easy for me to tell a bunch of jokes about “chests” and “booty”… so here they are:

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty.

Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It’s rated arrrrgh! Why? Because of all the booty!

Why did the pirate become a rapper? Because he wanted more booty.

Click Here to get a Arrrrrrrrgh Ya Free Saturday Night T-shirt

Spring Break 2002: Cancun. You remember it as if it were just a couple of years ago. If your spring break was anything like mine, you’d have the following regrets:

7. Drinking before 7…AM!
6. Buying that discount vacation package to Pakistan.
5. Starring in a Gigolos Gone Wild video.
4. Transferring to Cancun University to study tequila.
3. Inventing a new STD.
2. Passing on that offer from the Bush twins.
1. Cheerios + Jagermeister = Bad

Now it’s time you get your revenge on Montezuma by wearing this shirt…

Click Here to get a New Mexico: Cleaner Than Regular Mexico T-shirt

Let me spell this one out to any of my non-American readers.

The Constitution of the United States of America is the foundation and source of the legal federal authority and was adopted in 1787. It has since been amended twenty-seven times, the first ten amendments being known as the Bill of Rights.

The first amendment is the right to free speech. The second amendment is – wait for it – the right to bear arms! And, of course, the third amendment is the right to buy t-shirts that your 10th grade social studies teacher would find hilarious.

Click Here to get a Second Amendment T-shirt

The ninja’s greatest strength is his stealth and agility. His biggest weakness? Beans.

According to the Barenaked Ladies: “The ninja’s are deadly and silent, they’re also unspeakably violent, they speak Japanese, they do whatever they please, and sometimes they vacation in Ireland. And if you tear off their masks they’ll be smiling.”

Do you guys remember that kid that got hit by the Prius last year? His mum (American, obviously) placed the blame squarely at the feet of car makers, blaming the “totally silent” vehicle.

So, like ninjas, the Toyota Prius is .. wait for it .. silent AND deadly!

Click Here to get a Silent But Deadly T-shirt