Runway T-shirts » Clutch Tees

It Would Be My Honor To Be Your New Stepfather

admin — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 07:19:08 +0000

It would be my honor to be your new stepfather
While you’re in my mother make me another brother
And while I’m in your mother I’ll never use a rubber, oh!

‘Cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
To me you’re like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so I’ma sex her right

This is the second best idea that we’ve ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Click Here to get a It Would Be My Honor To Be Your New Stepfather T-shirt

Ask Me About My Stimulus Package

admin — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 11:58:07 +0000

So the other day I was like “Hey! The government better damn well hand over some free money during these tough times.”
But then I realized that I already live off the government, so I knew from experience it will take a long time to get more free money.

Stupid slow-ass government.

And then I realized I already have a package, and boy does it stimulate!

Why don’t you ask me about it..?

Get a Ask Me About My Stimulus Package T-shirt

Chuck Norris Forecast: Cloudy with a 90% Chance of Pain

admin — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:06:56 +0000

This shirt features Chuck Norris as a weatherman, forecasting a cloudy day with a 90% chance of PAIN! It doesn’t sound like its going to be a pleasant day for someone out there. They’d best bring a paincoat!

But here’s the thing – if Chuck Norris really was a weatherman, he wouldn’t forecast the weather… he’d just tell it what to do.

In fact, when Chuck Norris farts, the weather changes. Luckily he doesn’t eat beans – Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

And he’s never wrong. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Click Here to get a Chuck Norris Forecast: Cloudy with a 90% Chance of Pain T-shirt

A Very Nice – How Much?

admin — Fri, 22 May 2009 23:26:23 +0000

Jagshemash! My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex, it’s nice. These are my country of a Kazakhstan.

Wow Wow Wee Waa! This is one of the best shirts ever. Yes, I like. Can I buy you? Is nice! This is understood?

A very nice! Let’s make sexy time. How much? My sister – she’s a prostitute. She like to make money, high five! Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard.

My moustache still tastes of your testes!

Inspired by the ambassador of Kazakhstan, Borat. All the prostitutes will compete for your affection as you stroll through your village. In my country, they would go crazy for this tee. High Five! Everyone in Kazakhstan must have this shirt. Great t-shirt for Borat fans, no matter what country you’re from.

Click Here to get an A Very Nice – How Much? T-shirt

You Are A Smelly Pirate Hooker

admin — Fri, 08 May 2009 07:20:58 +0000

“I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”

How many times have you said this to strangers? If it’s one time or more, your life has been affected by a little movie called Anchorman. For reference purposes, here are some golden insults to lock away for your next argument, or whenever you see fit:

1. You are a smelly pirate hooker.
2. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?
3. You’ve got a dirty whorish mouth.
4. You’re a real hooker. I’m gonna slap you in public.
5. Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?
6. I’m going to punch you in the ovary, a straight shot right to the babymaker.
7. I am a man. I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.

Of course, you’re only going to be able to argue with women… Otherwise, you’ll look like a real blueberry!

Click Here to get a You Are A Smelly Pirate Hooker T-shirt

Would You Say I Have A Plethora of Pinatas?

admin — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:15:30 +0000

Do you recognize this conversation?

Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas? You told me I have a plethora. And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is. I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.

Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?

El Guapo has a plethora of pinatas! Remember the moments from Three Amigos every time you wear this unofficial tee.

Click Here to get a Would You Say I Have A Plethora of Pinatas? T-shirt

I Gotta Have More Cowbell Baby

admin — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:37:56 +0000

Alright, guys, I think we’re ready to lay this first track down. By the way, my name is Bruce Dickinson. Yes, the Bruce Dickinson. Easy guys, I put my pants on just like the rest of you – one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records. I gotta tell you fellas, you have got what appears to be a dynamite sound! Alright, here we go.

That was gonna be a great track. Guys, what’s the deal? I’ll be honest fellas, it was sounding great. But I could’ve used a little more cowbell. So let’s take it again. And Gene – really explore the studio space this time. I mean, really, explore the space. I like what I’m hearing. I’m telling you, fellas – you’re gonna want that cowbell on the track!

I gotta have more cowbell, baby! Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell!

Because less cowbell would result in less cowbell. If you’ve gotta have more cowbell, you’ve got to have this shirt!

Click Here to get an I Gotta Have More Cowbell Baby T-shirt

Turns Out Pimpin’ Is Easy

admin — Mon, 04 May 2009 09:41:50 +0000

Pimpin’ is easy man – you just need to get yourself a hoe. Owning a hoe is what constitutes being a pimp. They go hand in hand, like puppies and chainsaws.

You’ve got to know where to look. Lounging around some skanky bar looking for your regular old prostitute isn’t going to cut it. You’ve got to look where you’d least expect it. Like the library. Or the car wash. Or the United States Supreme Court.

Keep an eye out for hoe material. Sure signs of a hoe-worthy female are tight pants, low cleavage, and big signs that say “Hi. Would you like to have sex with me?”

If you see a nice-looking lady, make sure to approach her and talk to her. She doesn’t count as a hoe unless you tell her about it. Start to sweet talk her, maybe buy her a drink, then drop her this line:

“SEX ME WOMAN!”

Works like a charm.

Pimpin’s like poker – it’s a hard way to make an easy living, dawg. But if you keep that pimp hand strong and lay the smack down when needs be laid, your life is a dream.

So get this, it turns out pimping IS easy! Biggie and Snoop have been dead wrong all these years.

Click Here to get a Turns Out Pimpin’ Is Easy T-shirt

Related Shirts:

Free Tibet With Purchase of Tibet of Equal or Lesser Value

admin — Sun, 03 May 2009 23:37:14 +0000

Why is it that every time I see “Free Tibet” my brain automatically finishes the sentence “with the purchase of any country of equal or greater value”? Curse you commercial television!

So you can imagine my delight when I found this t-shirt!

I can’t wait for this shirt to arrive so I can participate in the next Free Tibet rally, Peter Griffin style! “Free Tibet? I’ll take it! Hello, China? I think I have something you may want, but it’s gonna cost you… That’s right – all the tea.”

Click Here to get a Free Tibet With Purchase of Tibet of Equal or Lesser Value T-shirt

I Love Motorboating

admin — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 01:31:52 +0000

Urban dictionary definition: The placement of one’s face, specifically the mouth, into the area between a well-endowed woman’s breasts, followed by a rapid shaking of the face in a side-to-side motion accompanied by yelling. The resulting sound that is created sounds similar to an outboard boat motor.

Bro, last night i motorboated that girl!
HAHA you motorboating son of a bitch!

Why the hell have I not heard of this phenomenon? Well, it’s not that I haven’t heard of it – I just wasn’t aware that it had a name!

So, as part of my personal development journey, here are some things to stop doing immediately (revised):

1. Forgetting to wear pants. Motorboating pregnant women.
2. Drinking alone.
3. Telling people what I ate for lunch on my Facebook status.

Click Here to get an I Love Motorboating T-shirt