There are times when we forget that the daytime exists, sometimes going as far as to deny its existence.
It’s usually our vices that make us break the monotonous routine of our lives: sex, booze, drugs, gambling, even gaming these days. Not in my day, mind…
Bring on the night! Darkness seems to heighten our senses and enhance our attraction to the opposite sex.
Shit, I can even dance better at night! Or maybe that’s the handful of pills I just took..?
Facebook – like Cheers, the popular 80s TV series bar – is a place where everybody knows your name.
Also like Cheers, funny things happen when people show up drunk.
As Cliff explains to Norm on the show:
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
The awesome tee features a parody of that donut logo and that perfect cup of coffee. It’s really the perfect drinking shirt!
If Dunkin’ Donuts is all about coffee and donuts, I suppose Drunkin’ Gonuts is all about booze and meth. That would certainly make a formidable franchise opportunity!
A place like that would certainly liven things up on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever had one of those weekends where, come Monday morning, you find yourself in your office, with what seems to be a second heartbeat in your head that’s so loud, it’s actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube?
I currently have Vodka vapor seeping out of every pore and making me dizzy. My body has lost the ability to generate saliva and my tongue is trying to suffocating me. I’d cry, but that would take the last of the moisture left in my body. Death seems pretty good right now.
The only consolation right now is that the man up stairs is currently giving me a thumbs up for kicking ass last night.
Click Here to get a Hangovers – God’s Way Of Saying You Kicked Ass Last Night T-shirt
I hope everyone is enjoying their Easter holidays! I’m getting away from it all myself… “all” meaning my family. Obviously, I’m still busting my ass to bring you the lol’s.
I don’t know where you live and you don’t know where I live, but did anyone else have trouble buying a drink yesterday? Easter Friday – it’s like it was a religious holiday or something… Luckily, the clubs opened at midnight this morning, and I turned up wearing my I Pound Beers For Jesus. And what do you know? BAM – straight to the front of the line!
Unlike the time I wore my Manwhore shirt. The door bitch looked me up and down and said “Well, at least you’re honest!”
Great shirt! Makes no sense to anyone else, but you walk past a mirror and it’s like “Damn! I knew I had to do something!”
Maybe a jingle would be in order? My friend “Aussie Darren” and I wrote one from a chairlift in Canada. It went something like this: “We are hardcore, We are hardcore, Woah Woah Woah, More Beer!”
Oh, that might sound silly, but guess what you’ll be humming first thing tomorrow morning? Thank me later!
Of course, I would have made a list of things: 1) Buy More Beer; 2) Cocaine and Hookers; 3) Vote Republican; 4) Visit Grandmother.
If you’re anything like me, you can’t hit your local bar without attracting the unwelcome advances of the fairer sex. With this T-shirt, you can keep your girlfriend happy and fend off the hordes of drunken sluts throwing themselves at you.
It’s win-win! Ladies will respect the shirt, and with a polite curtsy, a wink and a nod, they will leave you and your buddies to get into the nights business of getting slaughtered.
Click Here to get a Not Tonight Ladies I’m Just Here To Get Drunk T-shirt
We’ve all been there. You know what I mean – you’ve had a few too many drinks, put your head down for a quick power nap, then when you wake up the next morning, some douche has drawn all over your face with a black marker.
Maybe that’s why I like that movie Garden State so much. I want to draw all over that smarmy Zack Braff’s ugly face so bad! *ahem*
Anyways, there’s one sure-fire method for preventing this from happening. With one of these shirts, you can pass out wherever you please and know that you will wake up safely marker free. It’d probably help also if you carry a knife with you wherever you wear this shirt and drink heavily… I can’t think of a way this plan can go wrong!
Click Here to get a Warning – If I Wake Up With Marker On My Face I’ll Stab You T-shirt