I’ve just ordered my new favorite shirt: “Man who wear sandals get what they deserve”.

It really doesn’t need an explanation, but the story goes like this: You’re on Facebook, you post a status update, all of your friends have the option of ‘liking’ it.

So, 74 people ‘like’ sex with your girlfriend? Zing! What does that say about her?

It’s a great ‘your girlfriends a ho’ diss t-shirt, especially for Facebook fans and honestly, who isn’t one these days? The design is basic, but it needs to be to achieve the Facebook look and feel, which it nails (like your girlfriend).

You’ll get hours of fun offending your friends, and their girlfriends.

Get a Sex With Your Girlfriend 74 People Like This T-shirt

Those same people would probably not be happy to open their house to an active S&M aficionado and participant, but so far there have been no questions about what activities Santa and the misses enjoy on his own time.

Think about it – by the time Santa gets to the west coast of the United States, he’s been working solidly for 24 hours. I bet he’d gagging to blow off a bit of steam.

Note to self – holiday in Australia this Christmas…

Get a Xmasochist T-shirt

Why am I talking like a lolcat?

The fact is, all Primary or Elementary School teachers went to university to “re-cap” on their early education; that “reading, writing and ‘rithmetic didn’t quite stick the first time around, so they figured they’d do it again before heading out into the big world to secure a job. Unfortunately, they are then funneled into the education department.

This is scientific fact, people!

You see shows like The Simpsons and have a laugh at Mrs Krabappel and Miss Hoover who are counting down the hours until the end of class more even more anticipation than the children. Art imitates life, what more can I say?

Get a Worlds Goodest Teecher T-shirt

1. fuck
2. homework
3. George W. Bush
4. assramming hamster fucker
5. cunt
6. shitting dick nipples
7. fucktard
8. motherfucking shitfaced whore
9. assbitch hoebag
10. Al Gore

Clearly their visitors are a bunch of juvenile idiot assholes. And even though it’s redundant when used alongside the word “cunt”, I was happy to see Dubya making the cut. That guy truly was a Dick Nipple Shitting Assramming Cunt.

But I digress.

I love a good t-shirt that puts the curse word debate back where it belongs; right in peoples’ fucking faces. TshirtHell, known for their retarded, offensively I’m-trying-to-offend-my-parents funny t-shirts, has a new one that does just that. “Don’t Curse” is a clever shirt that neatly conceals the bad words inside the Goody Two Shoes message.

Get a Don’t Curse T-shirt

Cookies, that is! What were you thinking of..?

If you think you might have made the naughty list this year, you can tip the scales in your favor by putting out for Santa this Christmas!

Of course, if you don’t have cookies, maybe you can think of something else Santa might like… or need?

Insulin perhaps? As of late, the toll that all the cookies and milk Santa has been eating over the years is quickly spelling big time health problems for the jolly man. As reported by his doctor, Mr. Claus’ blood sugar levels have been peaking; it is up to us to help save Santa! So instead of leaving cookies and milk, be a help to Santa and leave him a nice big syringe full of insulin. Yum!

Get an I Put Out For Santa T-shirt

With that one sentence, Kayne West nominated himself (and won, uncontested) the Douchebag-of-the-Year award.

We all know what happened at the VMAs, although I still don’t know who the fuck Taylor Swift is… but she did look concerned, the other celebrities lost it on Twitter:

Pink: “Kanye West is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me”. I will!

Katy Perry: “FUCK U Kanye. Its like u stepped on a kitten”

Spencer Pratt: “Kanye West should be banned for life from anything MTV!!!!!!! @MTV SO MAD SO MAD!”

Thank god Spencer Pratt gave his opinion on this highly contentious issue. The first thing I thought when I saw the incident was I wonder what Spencer Pratt have to say about this..?

Get an Imma Let You Finish T-shirt

Hey McCain, your sanity is gone,
Must have left it with the Viet Cong.
You’re crazy and wrong suckin’ Bush’s old dong,
Already old when L.L. made this song.
Hey Emperor face, I penetrated your base,
Made the right wing say “New Yorker’s got taste”
I’ll beat you in Missouri and Oklahoma,
After that, I’ll cure your melanoma!
Country first? More like country worst,
Or just selling more. Or go to church.
Sorry to burst but the record is showin’,
You’ll ditch people like you forgot your homes.
It was seven right? The polls are tight,
But your eight house won’t be white.
I’m gonna knock you out, Obama said knock you out.
You lose your temper then you shout, Obama said knock you out.

Click Here to get an Obama Said Knock You Out T-shirt

If I sense she is hesitating, I usually punctuate the message with something like, “But you can only stay for a bit – I have to get up early.”

It never fails.

Since I got this shirt, I’ve retired the tried and true:

“Have you ever seen a houseplant with one leaf? I’ll bring you back to my place to look, but no touching. It’s very delicate.”

I’m a genius!

Get a Let’s Go Back To My Place (For Sex) T-shirt

Here’s a general one to get you started. It emcompasses all of these shirts in one classy, intellectual statement sure to impress your friends.

Show everyone how post-modern you are and (heart) heart statements.

Get an I Heart Transitive Pictograph Verbalizations T-shirt