Now I can just hear the chorus of 15 year old girls going “What about vampires? They’re cool too, right?”

Wrong.

The vampires you are familiar with from such shows are Vampire Diaries and Twilight are not cool. They are sparkly and metrosexual. This was never cool. It works for Calvin Klein underwear ads, but little else.

While I’m destroying dreams, the following things are also not cool: Werewolves (although they are cooler than Vampires), Robots, Monkeys, Ugg Boots / Moccasins, Facebook, Bieber Fever, North Korea and Iran, Hello Kitty, all Reality TV whether staged or “real”, Gaming, Spin Class, Army Jerks, Stephen Baldwin, and this blog. So take that advice with a heaped teaspoon of sodium chloride…

Related Shirts:

Though wooden peg leg and eyepatch manufacturers may be displeased by this alliance, it is for the greater good that we present the first official Pirate Ninja Alliance.

Get an I Support the Pirate Ninja Alliance T-shirt

If your family have been killed by ninjas, you’ve got a long, hard road ahead of you if you want some payback. Ninjas are masters of the dark arts, so if you want payback, you’re gonna have to work hard for it.

So if someone could chip in with a bit of cash for karate lessons, that’d be a real helping hand.

Click Here to get a Need Money For Karate Lessons – Ninjas Killed My Family T-shirt

Think you’re a hard-ass? Then forget Muay Thai, quit Aikido, and give up on Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. These days, the master ninja strikes quickly, kicks your ass, knits you an ugly sweater, then fades away without a trace.

And don’t forget, you don’t get to start work on pottery until you are a black belt.

Click Here to get a Mixed Martial Arts and Crafts T-shirt

This classic Don’t Hassel the Hoff t-shirt was actually seen on the man himself. David Hasselhoff may have his hands full with ninja practice these days, but the man brought us boob watch, so cut him some slack and show your support with this tee.

You know you wanna party with hoffmeister, he gets down with the take out chicken.

Click Here to get a Don’t Hassel The Hoff T-shirt

According to the Barenaked Ladies: “The ninja’s are deadly and silent, they’re also unspeakably violent, they speak Japanese, they do whatever they please, and sometimes they vacation in Ireland. And if you tear off their masks they’ll be smiling.”

Do you guys remember that kid that got hit by the Prius last year? His mum (American, obviously) placed the blame squarely at the feet of car makers, blaming the “totally silent” vehicle.

So, like ninjas, the Toyota Prius is .. wait for it .. silent AND deadly!

Click Here to get a Silent But Deadly T-shirt

I don’t know why people are still talking about this. Ninajs and the dark martial arts are undoubtedly awesome; pirates’ personal hygene is questionable and they are generally hung over. What more is there to be talked about?

Click Here to get a Ninja Please T-shirt