Runway T-shirts

Ever since I left home, I’ve been looking for a girl who can handle my load.

Now I’m a big boy, so my load is quite sizeable. It’s going to take a special kind of gal to handle it. She doesn’t have to be a big girl herself – she just needs a bit of experience, you know, handling loads. Not too much experience, mind you… Girls with that kind of experience generally have questionable hygiene and a bit of a reputation.

I suppose I’ll just have to continue my search.

It sure would be nice to find a girl who can handle my load… Maybe wearing this t-shirt will help? Maybe…

It seems this shirt is no longer available, but check out the related shirts below.

Jagshemash! My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex, it’s nice. These are my country of a Kazakhstan.

Wow Wow Wee Waa! This is one of the best shirts ever. Yes, I like. Can I buy you? Is nice! This is understood?

A very nice! Let’s make sexy time. How much? My sister – she’s a prostitute. She like to make money, high five! Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard.

My moustache still tastes of your testes!

Inspired by the ambassador of Kazakhstan, Borat. All the prostitutes will compete for your affection as you stroll through your village. In my country, they would go crazy for this tee. High Five! Everyone in Kazakhstan must have this shirt. Great t-shirt for Borat fans, no matter what country you’re from.

Click Here to get an A Very Nice – How Much? T-shirt

“Wait a minute keedz! Don’t go swimming in that old quarry. Eet’s dangerous. Hey, do you guys want to buy some gum, or cotton candy, or a stuffed animal. How about an inflatable mallet huh? Thees ees fun! You can hit your friend on the head with it. But don’t hit him on the head with it! You got any dents you need hammered out?”

G.I. Jose – a real Mexican hero! I cried with laughter when I first saw this guy on Family Guy. I used to hate those stupid G.I. Joe public service announcements on Youtube. I still hate them now, I just hated them then, too.

Oh yeah, and do you know why can’t Mexicans be fire fighters? Because they can’t tell José from hose B.

Click Here to get a G.I. Jose – A Real Mexican Hero T-shirt

“I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”

How many times have you said this to strangers? If it’s one time or more, your life has been affected by a little movie called Anchorman. For reference purposes, here are some golden insults to lock away for your next argument, or whenever you see fit:

1. You are a smelly pirate hooker.
2. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?
3. You’ve got a dirty whorish mouth.
4. You’re a real hooker. I’m gonna slap you in public.
5. Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?
6. I’m going to punch you in the ovary, a straight shot right to the babymaker.
7. I am a man. I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science.

Of course, you’re only going to be able to argue with women… Otherwise, you’ll look like a real blueberry!

Click Here to get a You Are A Smelly Pirate Hooker T-shirt

Oh no…

Now that’s just terrible. The poor old dear hasn’t been in the ground a week and some asshole is trying to make a quick buck by coming up with a Rot in Hell Bea Arthur t-shirt. Its sad AND offensive…

I’m totally gonna buy one for my Grandma! She LOVED the Golden Girls!

Click Here to get a Rot In Hell Bea Arthur T-shirt

Sandals. The un-sexiest thing a man can wear. Even a Moo Moo covers up what you don’t want to see. Shit, even those stoopid plastic Croc things have a certain je ne sais quoi. But sandals? Why are people still wearing sandals? History proves what happens to men who wear sandals.

So-called intellectuals and “christians” say Jesus was crucified because his brand of non-violent resistance, his manner of stirring the people and empowering the poor, were judged to be challenging the political power structures of his day.

I think it was more to do with his sandals and long hair. Goddamn hippies…

Click Here to get a Men Who Wear Sandals Get What They Deserve T-shirt

Happy Easter everyone! Peace be with you. In the spirit of the season, I figured I’d learn a bit more about our Lord and saviour. And this is what I found:

According to the US Biblical scholar, Morton Smith, of Columbia University, a fragment of manuscript he found at the Mar Saba monastery near Jerusalem in 1958, showed that the full text of St. Mark chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) includes the passage:

“And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God”.

The veracity of this manuscript is hotly contested by other Biblical scholars. This comes as no surprise. The revelation of a gay Jesus would undermine some of the most fundamental tenets of orthodox Christianity, including its rampant homophobia.

What’s that? You don’t believe me? Would it help if I told you I used to be the lead reporter for High Times magazine? But I had to leave – too much politics…

Click Here to get a Gay Jesus Offends Christians T-shirt

Ok, I get it – slavery isn’t the most popular idea in this “all men are created equal” society. But shiiiit, if you want a job done properly, on time and on budget, break out the whips and chains!

Here’s an idea – voluntary slavery. Take some ships to some third world country struggling with famine, drought or war, and offer “an honest day’s food for an honest day’s work” and see if you get any takers. I daresay you would! In fact, I’m so certain this idea is going to work, I’m making space on my mantel for this years’ Nobel Peace Prize.

*sniff* I’m so proud!

Click Here to get a Slavery Gets Shit Done T-shirt

Ignoring the theory, popularized by Dan Brown’s book The Da Vinci Code, that the apostle John on Jesus’ right was actually Mary Magdalene, the Last Supper was a bit of a sausage fest.

Looking at this painting, I can’t help but think that while Jesus was breaking bread, someone was “breaking wind”. Seriously! Look at the expressions on their faces, and the way the apostle John is leaning right over… it was probably him!

It wouldn’t have been Jesus. If that dude can change water into wine, I’m certain he could make his farts smell like frankincense. Which perhaps is where the saying “His shit doesn’t stink” came from.

Click Here to get a Sausage Fest T-shirt

More problems for Hillary Clinton. The head of New York state’s leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a disappointment on same-sex marriage. Today, her husband Bill described her as a disappointment on opposite-sex marriage.

But seriously, when did gay become an insult? Oh, wait – I remember… pre-school. And adolescence. And high school. Pretty much all those formative years, when being different was like having target painted on your back. Or carrying round a handbag full of rainbows.

It was obvious to everyone my school friend Adam was gay as christmas, but he fought his biological urges valiantly, fathering a child then enlisting in the navy. He no doubt agrees with Republican plans to press for a constitution amendment to ban gay marriage. Because the founding fathers intended gay sex to be very casual, they didn’t want it to be married.

Still in politics, Governor Schwarzenegger weighed in on the San Francisco situation. He said he wants them to stop the gay marriages going on up there, but he said that he still supports same sex groping, then he went back to slathering body oil all over his muscles in front of other guys…

I suppose Governor Schwarzenegger thinks the instituion of marriage is not the proper venue to express gay sexuality. Maybe we should try the locker room at Gold’s Gym?

Click Here to get a Homosexuals Are Gay T-shirt