Runway T-shirts » Pessimistic

Chuck Norris Forecast: Cloudy with a 90% Chance of Pain

admin — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:06:56 +0000

This shirt features Chuck Norris as a weatherman, forecasting a cloudy day with a 90% chance of PAIN! It doesn’t sound like its going to be a pleasant day for someone out there. They’d best bring a paincoat!

But here’s the thing – if Chuck Norris really was a weatherman, he wouldn’t forecast the weather… he’d just tell it what to do.

In fact, when Chuck Norris farts, the weather changes. Luckily he doesn’t eat beans – Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

And he’s never wrong. The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

Click Here to get a Chuck Norris Forecast: Cloudy with a 90% Chance of Pain T-shirt

So We Cool Now?

admin — Sun, 31 May 2009 08:57:35 +0000

America experienced a wave of newfound enthusiasm as Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. But now that excitement is in danger of unraveling, as the downsides of an Obama presidency become evident. People magazine reports:

With the election of Barack Obama, Paula Idol of American Idol will stay just that – an American. “I was crying!” she tells PEOPLE. “You feel such a sense of pride that you can’t even articulate how good you feel. It’s unbelievable! I have chills. I was just so excited. I was texting everyone: ‘Peace has begun.’ And then I was texting everyone, ‘I don’t have to move to Vancouver now!’”

Forget about making Paula Abdul cry. As admirable as that is, it’s really not that hard to do. The chick cries about everything. That’s what happens when you mix Wild Turkey and Xanax with your Cheerios every morning. The real point is, Paula Abdul was ready to move out of the country, before Obama was elected. And now she’s staying.

If our new Commander in Chief is serious about bringing the country together and restoring the faith of its citizens, his first act after taking the oath will be to issue a proclamation authorizing the packing of Paula Abdul in a rocket and shooting her directly into the sun. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Get a So We Cool Now? T-shirt

Bailout

admin — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 23:02:49 +0000

In his speech yesterday, President Barack Obama lashed out about the excessive bonuses paid out to the CEOs and other execs of failing multi-nationals. He said the trouble at AIG was caused by recklessness and excessive greed. But here’s the problem. The AIG executives thought it was a compliment!

The Republicans are on board in this too. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley told AIG executives they should either quit or commit suicide. (He actually said this!) But I think that’s plain wrong. I mean, why give them the option of quitting?

I do like Grassley’s idea, but here’s my question: where was Congress when everything was falling apart, you know? They’re supposed to be looking out for us. So here’s a better idea. How about AIG and Congress making a giant suicide pact?

Update – In a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they’ll show you how to turn it into $8 billion. See, this is capitalism at its finest!

Click Here to get a Bailout T-shirt

Let’s Get Fucked Up Like The Economy

admin — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 17:12:24 +0000

I think it’s fair to say that the economy is FUBAR-ed. I won’t pretend I understand all the intricacies of how the economy works. In fact, I don’t understand a fraction of it. But I think even the lay-person would put money on the economy’s disrepair.

So why not have a laugh about it? Sure, you might have lost your house, you might be on the street, you might be selling tricks for t-shirts… and if that’s the case, you should spend that hard-earned money on this t-shirt!

Click Here to get a Let’s Get Fucked Up Like The Economy T-shirt