I finally saw the new Star Trek movie last night, and it reminded me – it’s always the guy in the red uniform that dies when they beam down to a planet’s surface. I said to my girlfriend “I bet that guy eats it in the next five minutes.”

Ok, ok… it was my mom. My girlfriend is outta town. On a photo shoot… in the Bahamas. Why are we talking about me? I’m not on trial here! We were talking about Star Trek!

Hmm, I wonder if the red uniform guy has his own shirt.

Click Here to get an Everyone’s A Trekie T-shirt

So what if the Star Wars dialogue is awful? So what if there are themes of incest? So what if the plot is flimsy?

Han Solo was a smuggler and a pirate and he would fuck you up as soon as look at you.

Star Wars is to movies what Moon Pies are to food. Sure it’s fluff and provides no nutritional value, but pop that shit in the microwave and you’ve got something that leaves you all gooey.

Unforunately for Han, he didn’t get to nail Leia in the original trilogy, but I daresay there would have at least been some dry humping.

So, to fulfill all your fantasies about metal bikinis, name your right hand ‘Leia’ and give yourself a ‘Han Job’.

Click Here to get a Han Job T-shirt