Runway T-shirts

Here’s a clever way to offend people in the social media age: the Facebook Sex With Your Girlfriend T-Shirt.

It really doesn’t need an explanation, but the story goes like this: You’re on Facebook, you post a status update, all of your friends have the option of ‘liking’ it.

So, 74 people ‘like’ sex with your girlfriend? Zing! What does that say about her?

It’s a great ‘your girlfriends a ho’ diss t-shirt, especially for Facebook fans and honestly, who isn’t one these days? The design is basic, but it needs to be to achieve the Facebook look and feel, which it nails (like your girlfriend).

You’ll get hours of fun offending your friends, and their girlfriends.

Get a Sex With Your Girlfriend 74 People Like This T-shirt

Everyone is happy to open their house to a stranger who brings them gifts once a year.

Those same people would probably not be happy to open their house to an active S&M aficionado and participant, but so far there have been no questions about what activities Santa and the misses enjoy on his own time.

Think about it – by the time Santa gets to the west coast of the United States, he’s been working solidly for 24 hours. I bet he’d gagging to blow off a bit of steam.

Note to self – holiday in Australia this Christmas…

Get a Xmasochist T-shirt

There’s one sure-fire way of getting lucky this Christmas. And that’s putting out for Santa!

Cookies, that is! What were you thinking of..?

If you think you might have made the naughty list this year, you can tip the scales in your favor by putting out for Santa this Christmas!

Of course, if you don’t have cookies, maybe you can think of something else Santa might like… or need?

Insulin perhaps? As of late, the toll that all the cookies and milk Santa has been eating over the years is quickly spelling big time health problems for the jolly man. As reported by his doctor, Mr. Claus’ blood sugar levels have been peaking; it is up to us to help save Santa! So instead of leaving cookies and milk, be a help to Santa and leave him a nice big syringe full of insulin. Yum!

Get an I Put Out For Santa T-shirt

It would be my honor to be your new stepfather
While you’re in my mother make me another brother
And while I’m in your mother I’ll never use a rubber, oh!

‘Cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
To me you’re like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so I’ma sex her right

This is the second best idea that we’ve ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Click Here to get a It Would Be My Honor To Be Your New Stepfather T-shirt

I mean really though, why all the small talk? We should all learn to just get to the point. This shirt is a real timesaver.

If I sense she is hesitating, I usually punctuate the message with something like, “But you can only stay for a bit – I have to get up early.”

It never fails.

Since I got this shirt, I’ve retired the tried and true:

“Have you ever seen a houseplant with one leaf? I’ll bring you back to my place to look, but no touching. It’s very delicate.”

I’m a genius!

Get a Let’s Go Back To My Place (For Sex) T-shirt

I just went to a sexual harassment seminar and I think I’m gonna be pretty good at it now.

But not as good as Michael Scott from the office: “Times have changed a little and as much as we are a family here at Dunder Mifflin, there comes a time when the Daddy cannot take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.”

He said what!?

Keep in mind, when a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.

Get an I Could Use A Little Sexual Harassment T-shirt

I’ve got an ‘89 Ford Escort, a Thundercats Big Wheel, and a ‘63 version of Your Mom with red racing stripes. She really gets up and goes!

This is a shirt that just begged to be made.

And if you’re wondering about who’s mom I’m talking about, the answer is “yours”. Yes, you – reading the right now. My other ride is your mom.

How are those visuals?

Get a My Other Ride is Your Mom T-shirt

C major. D Major. G major. Three simple chords that have changed the sexual fortunes of many an adolescent boy since the dawn of rock n’ roll.

There’s so much angsty material to choose from!

If you can’t get laid with these three chords, you need to practice more. Or tune your guitar, genius.

Throw in A minor and this might even work after college.

Get a How To Get Laid T-shirt

There are times when we forget that the daytime exists, sometimes going as far as to deny its existence.

It’s usually our vices that make us break the monotonous routine of our lives: sex, booze, drugs, gambling, even gaming these days. Not in my day, mind…

Bring on the night! Darkness seems to heighten our senses and enhance our attraction to the opposite sex.

Shit, I can even dance better at night! Or maybe that’s the handful of pills I just took..?

Get a Carpe Noctem – Seize The Night T-shirt

Those hadrons are hard to hide sometimes. You’ll be sitting at work, bored out of your mind, and next thing you know you’ve got a hadron in your pants. The worst part is you’ve got a meeting to go to you’re already late for…

Ok, I know the LHC deserves a little more respect than a couple of cheap knob gags, but this is a t-shirt website dammit, not a science journal!

Get a Particle Physics Gives Me A Hadron T-shirt