“Same great taste, less calories”
For the Jedi on the go. New Lite Saber! When you want meta-caloriens without, mega calories.
Lite Saber, same great taste less filling.
Just watch out – the new slim can is shaped like a real light saber, and you sure don’t want to slam one of them down your throat unless you want a brief burn sensation followed by a permanent dying sensation.
“Promoting New Communities and Creating Jobs!”
But as Randal pointed out in Clerks, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army. The only people on board were Storm troopers, Dignitaries, Imperialists. So when they blew it up, no problem – evil’s punished.
The second time around it wasn’t even done beind built yet. It was still under construction. A construction job of that magnitude would require a hell of lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I’ll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing. Plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.
In order to get it built quickly and quietly, they’d hire anybody that could do the job. You think the average Storm Trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All’s they know is killing and white uniforms. So, they bring in independent contractors.
All those innocent contractors brought in to do the job are killed, casualties of a war they had nothing to do with.
So whilst the Empire are promoting new communities and creating jobs, there is a slight chance of death at the hands of left-wing militants.
The TOP 10 Things We Want To Hear Samuel L. Jackson, “JediMaster Mace Windu”, say in the Star Wars Prequel:
10. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.
9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker.
8. This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room… accept no substitutes.
7. If Obi-wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got no other connections on Tattooine.
6. Feel the Force, motherfucker.
5. ‘What’ ain’t no planet I’ve ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on ‘What’?
4. You sendin’ the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that’s all you had to say!
3. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the motherfucker’s a carpet. Yeah Chewie got a hair problem. What’s the brother gonna do? He’s a wookie.
2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?
1. Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, “Bad Motherfucker” on it.
Get a My Lightsaber Is The One That Says Bad Motherfucker T-shirt
So you helped save the galaxy, reunited long lost twins, saved friends from certain death and restored peace and democracy to countless worlds…
“R2 – we have a clean up on isle three.”
What’s a droid to do?
With this shirt we pay homage to the great work of these and other droids.
This fun tee is ready to wear to the most intense partying, gaming or just chillin out.
How chillin is it? Think of Hoth, only cooler.
“Go for Emporer Palpatine.
“Vader – how’s my favorite Sith? Woah woah woah – just slow down! Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Who’s they!?
“What the hell is an Aluminium Falcon?!
“Okay, okay… so who’s left? Are you shitting me!? Well, where are you? Wait a sec – you’ve been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal? Oh, you must smell like feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon…
“Oh oh oh I’m sorry! I thought my dark lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that’s only two metres wide! That thing wasn’t even fully paid off yet! Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my credit?
“What? Oh, “just rebuild it”? Real fucking original! Who’s going to give me a loan, jack-hole? You? You got an ATM on that torso light-bright?
“Now get your 7′2″ asthmatic ass back here, or I’m going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Pada-mommy or Panda Bear or whatever the hell her name is.”
Click Here to get a What the Hell is an Aluminium Falcon? T-shirt
Who’s your daddy? This shirt answers the eternal question for all the Vader Haters out there.
I mean, Luke didn’t know. Princess Leia didn’t know. Shit, who knows how many kids Darth has. He probably has more kids than George Forman and Flava Flav put together.
Han Solo was the most badass motherfucker in the universe up til Sam Jackson stepped up in Pulp Fiction.
So what if the Star Wars dialogue is awful? So what if there are themes of incest? So what if the plot is flimsy?
Han Solo was a smuggler and a pirate and he would fuck you up as soon as look at you.
Star Wars is to movies what Moon Pies are to food. Sure it’s fluff and provides no nutritional value, but pop that shit in the microwave and you’ve got something that leaves you all gooey.
Unforunately for Han, he didn’t get to nail Leia in the original trilogy, but I daresay there would have at least been some dry humping.
So, to fulfill all your fantasies about metal bikinis, name your right hand ‘Leia’ and give yourself a ‘Han Job’.