Now I can just hear the chorus of 15 year old girls going “What about vampires? They’re cool too, right?”

Wrong.

The vampires you are familiar with from such shows are Vampire Diaries and Twilight are not cool. They are sparkly and metrosexual. This was never cool. It works for Calvin Klein underwear ads, but little else.

While I’m destroying dreams, the following things are also not cool: Werewolves (although they are cooler than Vampires), Robots, Monkeys, Ugg Boots / Moccasins, Facebook, Bieber Fever, North Korea and Iran, Hello Kitty, all Reality TV whether staged or “real”, Gaming, Spin Class, Army Jerks, Stephen Baldwin, and this blog. So take that advice with a heaped teaspoon of sodium chloride…

Related Shirts:

If you think it likely you may encounter one of these little suckers in your day to day travels, the Crowbar 3000 is the ultimate in current anti-Headcrab technology. Should a Headcrab affix itself to your head, beat repeatedly with the Crowbar 3000 until it lets go.

In fact, even after it leats go, it wouldn’t hurt to give yourself another couple of smacks to prevent future outbreaks.

Also, if you live in a desolate dorm room, you can also use the crowbar to pry open the vending machine and get your mountain dew/dorito fix.

Get an In Case of Headcrab Infestation Use Crowbar T-shirt

It’s important that you have clear instructions on how to pwn zombie faces, and keep your brains inside your skull, right where they belong:

1. Choose Your Weapon – I suggest the sports supplies stores, although if you have a high-school level knowledge of chemistry, you may consider pharmacies or K-mart.

2. Aim For The Head – As everyone should know by now, zombies can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain.

3. Don’t Miss (or it will eat your brains) – If you do miss, you’ll find the zombie removes your head and destroys your brain… by eating it!

So don’t miss! Learn a swinging sport now: baseball, golf, cricket… even curling is better than nothing.

Get a How To Kill A Zombie T-shirt

Zombie relationships are difficult. I know – I’ve been there. You feel like you just give and give and give. It can be really draining, physically and emotionally.

But when they look you in the eyes, caress your cheek, and speak those words you’ve been waiting to hear – “Brraaaiiiiiiiinnnns” – all the worries melt away and you remember why you started dating them in the first place.

Click Here to get an I Heart Zombies T-shirt

Remember “They’re not through living… if you’re not through giving”

*Note Zombie bites are very contagious. Avoid zombie bites at all costs. If bitten by a zombie immediately give up all hope as you will soon join the legions of the walking dead.

If you feel that you are becoming a zombie, please order this shirt immediately. The ZOMBAID t-shirt will not offer you any additional protection but it will be some really good advertising for us.

Click Here to get a Zombaid T-shirt